Weird Laws

The Youngest Child loves a cause. Today she has been particularly upset because she has come across a story about Russia spilling oil into the Arctic Ocean. What upset her most, is that her sister did not take this outrage seriously enough. Instead The Middle Child was apparently more concerned about the tissue that The Youngest Child had left on the floor, and which she insisted was picked up. Youngest Child became apoplectic that Middle Child felt that a tissue was more important than the state of the Arctic Ocean.

A few nights ago, when I was out walking with The Husband, my phone rang. Now, I have individual ringtones for all the people that I may either need to answer immediately, or ignore. Such as, The Children, The Husband and The Mother in Law (you decide which ones I ignore šŸ˜ƒ). On this particular occasion it was ‘It’s your daughter, calling you today’ (to the tune of ‘My Girl’), that was heard emanating from my pocket. This was The Middle Child’s ringtone. I thought I had better answer it, in case there was an emergency and she was watching her sister. I answered to her screaming down the phone that her brother had come into her room and put chewed up chewing gum on to her desk. Although by this time he had removed said chewing gum, it had resulted in his juices and germs being left on her desk, which he was refusing to wipe. FFS! I hung up.

A few minutes later the phone rang again. This time it was a perky, fast paced tune that consisted of the lyrics ‘your daughter’s calling’, over and over. This was The Youngest Child’s ringtone. This time there was whispering down the line of “Mummy, I have to tell you something and I can’t quite believe that I have just read this!” It turns out that it is apparently illegal for a woman to eat chocolate on public transport!

While I wasn’t quite sure why she had to ring me to tell me this, I was curious. The Husband didn’t think it was true, so of course (anything to prove him wrong and concerned that I had broke the law numerous times) I had to look it up. Not only is it most definitely illegal for a woman to eat chocolate on public transport, but I found some other extremely weird laws that are still in existence in the UK today. Below is a list of some of the more bizarre ones.

  • In London, it is illegal to flag down a taxi if you have the plague
  • All males over the age of 14 must practise the longbow for 2 hours each week
  • If you fart in front of the Queen, you can be charged with treason
  • It is illegal to handle salmon under suspicious circumstances
  • It is illegal to stand within 100 yards of the Queen, without wearing socks
  • You may not hang a bed out of a window
  • It is illegal to die inside the Houses of Parliament
  • It is illegal to wrestle an untrained bull in public
  • Bees may not trespass in Ireland
  • It is illegal to enter the Houses of Parliament wearing a suit of armour
  • If you are in York you are allowed to shoot a Scotsman with a crossbow, unless it is a Sunday
  • If you put a postage stamp bearing the Queen’s head upside down, it is considered an act of treason
  • It is illegal to gamble in a library
  • It is illegal to beat or shake a rug, mat or carpet in London, unless it is before 8am
  • You can be fine or imprisoned for operating a horse or a cow while drunk
  • It is an offence to carry a plank of wood along the pavement, fly a kite in the street or slide on ice along the pavement

While I have done some rather stupid things when under the influence of alcohol, including getting stuck in a drained reservoir (a story for another day), I don’t think I have ever ‘operated’ a cow or a horse while drunk. I doubt very much that I will ever meet the Queen, or feel the need to wrestle a bull (trained or untrained, in public or in private) and I will try my very best not to die in the Houses of Parliament, especially if I am wearing a suit of armour. However, including the chocolate on public transport, I have broken four of those laws. šŸ˜²šŸ˜². How many of these crimes are you guilty of? I wonder what The Husband and The Eldest Child will say when I inform them they need to practise the crossbow after dinner? šŸ¤”šŸ¤”

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