I have updated the last of the Monster Diaries that I wrote last year. I didn’t write for a long while after these last entries because I was busy doing a degree and back at work full-time. I hope to resume writing them in the near future but life is actually pretty quiet nowadays, especially as the children and I are still home in semi-lockdown. We go out walking three times a week but they are not yet back at school and I am not at work. In the meantime I thought I would entertain you with one of the stories from last September that I posted in the diaries today. You can read about the rest of September by following the link, which includes the ups and downs of Youngest Child starting secondary school.
Sunday 20th September
Youngest Child is going to give me a nervous breakdown before this year is out. She had been playing round at Best Friend from Home’s house when she knocked on the door, with the sole purpose it seems, to argue with me about something that I cannot even remember due to the trauma of what unfolded. I was standing at the open door, she was just inside the door and Best Friend from Home was standing on the doorstep with Best Friend from Home’s friend from school (who after several unapologetic breakages by this friend from school I have told Youngest Child not to bring her to the house anymore). Youngest Child was ranting about whatever it was and I was busy feeling annoyed that Best Friend from Home’s destructive friend was standing at my doorstep and wondering if it would be rude to tell her I didn’t want her in my house anymore, so I wasn’t really paying much attention to what she was actually ranting about. So it was that it was quite a few minutes before I really looked at her and tried to take in what she was shouting at me about. As I looked at her a sense of confusion started to cloud my thoughts before the horror of what I was looking at began to dawn on me. Youngest Child had no eyebrows! I repeat, Youngest Child had no fucking eyebrows!
“What have you done?” I hissed, at which point I could see the realisation at what I meant pass over her face.
“Nothing what do you mean?” she asked, trying to look indignant.
I began to stammer at the two girls on the doorstep before managing to collect myself enough to tell them that Youngest Child was now staying home and closing the door in their faces.
When I say I went mental, I mean I really went mental. What I wasn’t prepared for, however was the explanation she was about to give me as to where her eyebrows had gone. She told me how she had found a cotton pad on her dressing table, which was already wet with something, she didn’t know what it was wet with and when she put it on her eyebrows it burnt them off! Burnt them off??? Are you kidding me?? Is the child really telling me she put an unknown, and clearly acidic, chemical onto her eyes, which then burnt her eyebrows off? Apparently, she thought it was nail varnish remover! Why the fuck would she put nail varnish remover on her eyebrows?
This is an eleven-year-old secondary school child, not a toddler. Why would she do such a stupid thing? I screamed and shouted about how she is lucky she hasn’t gone blind and how astounded I was at her stupidity, and finished by telling her to get out of my sight and go up to her room.
A little while later Middle Child appeared to inform me that she had found out the truth about what had happened to her eyebrows. Thankfully there were no acidic chemicals involved, this had been a story made up to stop her getting into trouble!!! (The mind truly boggles). What had actually happened is that she had suddenly remembered that someone at primary school had commented that her eyebrows were bushy, so she had decided to shave them off! FFS! It is no wonder I now have a glass of wine most nights!